Landing Toy Planes:
and other reflections on 2010
It’s nearly impossible to land a toy plane where you want to it land. The thing about toy planes (of the non-motorized fashion) is that you’re not actively guiding it in motion. The mechanics are left to a trial-and-error sort of experimentation. You basically throw it a certain way and hope that it flies a desired path placing it in the proper location for a successful landing.
I never realized how much I live my life this way. Launching off on some unknown journey, throwing it all out there, enjoying every second and hoping for the slight chance that I just might reach a desired outcome but with absolutely no expectations. Sometimes I nail it, it couldn’t be a smoother landing. Sometimes, those planes never land at all.
One of my favorite memories of 2010 involves a toy plane. It’s one that will stick around because it expresses a simple sentiment, a nostalgic reference point for the year. The little styrofoam plane serves as a reminder that the most amazing moments are never the ones we plan and that outcomes are never as important as the journey.
The year was filled with so many special moments, reference points along a figurative timeline; they bleed into each other consuming all space. I struggle to keep my breath as my mind scans over all these memories. I am overwhelmed with appreciation for all the amazing experiences shared with so many amazing people.
There is an undeniable presence in my life that should be noted early on in this post; whether obsession or escapism, my indulgence in live music provides the atmosphere for many of the most notable experiences throughout the years. It is the music that stays with me when everyone else is gone; it plays in my mind even when the volume is too low to hear aloud.
“The inexpressible depth of music, so easy to understand and yet so inexplicable, is due to the fact that it reproduces all the emotions of our innermost being, but entirely without reality and remote from its pain.” Oliver Sacks quoting Schopenhauer in Musicophelia.
I am blessed to have so many close friends who inspire me through their music. Sometimes I’m not quite sure how I got to be so lucky. In addition to my friends who are musically inclined, I am blessed with an abundance of inspired people of other capacities. No matter what the aesthetic, the desire and motivation to create is contagious; it’s what drives me. I am a better person because of the people in my life who make it “inexhaustible in its richness.”
2010 wasn’t my most wandering of years, but it was my most rambling. I am thankful for my friends who aren’t afraid to let me run, because I always run. I am thankful for my friends who encourage my creative spirit and unsettled nature. There are certainly very important people in my life who have supported me endlessly. I am sadden by my own inability to slow down sometimes and take care of the friendships that are my foundation, the brick and mortar of my being. It may seem as if I’ve become “too busy,” but busy is a choice and it is important that I make time for the people who mean the most to me.
There are so many people I need to acknowledge, to formally express my gratitude, but this note would go on and on for pages; however, a few cannot go without mention:
Jennifer Lundholm and Janessa Cyrus, beautiful girls, I love you so much. We’ve been together most of our lives and I am grateful for every moment. Thank you for understanding and accepting the craziness that is my life.
Ryan Butch and Dougy Starcke, still looking out for me, after all these years. 😉
Ivan Howard, my life is irrevocably changed because of our friendship. Thank you for believing in me as I believe in you.
Melina Reed, you are a gift. Though I’ve had you by my side for such a short time, the effects of our friendship have permeated through all aspects of my life. Your support and encouragement have been unwavering and your brilliance, inspiring. You, my friend, have held my soul and touched my heart. I love you.
Eric White, my angel, I have never been so proud of someone. You keep me in awe. Your heart is the purest I’ve ever known. Thank you for your love and support and always know you have mine.
I’d also like to thank Andrew Bopes for being a wonderful partner during our relationship, for always accepting my crazy schedule, embracing my less-than-normal approach to life and for sharing so many amazing experiences with me in 2010. I hope that life is always kind to you, that you always try even if you have to fail, and that love finds you as vulnerable as you ever were. Stay beautiful and be happy.
And finally, David Ostiguy, you are and will always be my hero.